my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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