She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
