Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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