look no pants
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
