I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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