Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
