Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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