I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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