I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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