remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
