He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize