Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She's the barista slut.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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