one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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