Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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