If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
