I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
