So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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