If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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