I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
