my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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