can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
