I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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