dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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