im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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