I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
