I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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