Whod you bang
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
