If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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