you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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