I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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