I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
