I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
