My room smells like vodka and shame
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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