i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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