TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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