I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
