She's JV to your varsity
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
