i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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