Can i not drive my cunt home
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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