hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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