Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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