listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
