so that wasnt chicken after all
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
