bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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