I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
