I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
