Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
