i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
