Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
