man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
