1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
