i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
not ubering you a puppy
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