She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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