I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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