Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
