your thong is hanging out like whoa
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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