paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
