The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
