So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
