You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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